differentials

How can I tell you I love you
if I can’t trust you
if I can’t fight for you
Cowardly so.

How can I tell you I love you purely
when I wish your happiness
only because it makes me happy
Selfishly so.

How can I tell you I miss you
when I want to run away
when I fear you can’t be faithful
Hurting so.

How can I give myself to you
knowing you are so fragile
and silence, your weapon kills me
Fearing so.

For you,
I dreamed to be brave
I wished to be selfless
I wanted to be strong and whole.

But you,
you just scared me away.

forgive me…
for I have no right to tell you
that I miss you
and I love you
and I will be here for you
even if I’m just dying to do so.

(song that is waiting for music…lol)
I
just wanted you to be brave
just wished you to challenge me
want to know you could take
yes, that horribly beautiful mess that I am
if you just, just, just
if you love me for that
if you just be happy to playfully challenge me
cause that, that makes me happy

chorus
duel my mind, glory be my heart
because I was about ready to take you there
I was about ready to take on the war
to have you, to be with you,
in that battle of corrupted societal norms
that threat of maladjusted conservatism
and just plain antagonism…
ready to take you there
if only…
you would duel my mind, glory be my heart

II
Just wanted to see the smile on your eyes
when I’m with you
I just wanted to rid you of that quiet worry
yes, that quiet quiet doubt of me
if you just, just, just
if you be yourself
if you just grow with me
trust that, that will make you happy

bridge
because I would not have let you in
if I didn’t think you were my sense of maturity and bravery
letting you in
is the irreversible step of letting you see my fragility
am i wrong to have let you in?

it pains me every time I lay still
   and listen to my thoughts
I run from the silence
   it echoes my thoughts
I  turn to the music
   to drown my own hymn
but my soul’s drumming
   battles with the radio’s rhythm
it was a struggle
   going on and on… and on
nauseating, drowning.
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